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Republicans are probably going to oppose President Obama's jobs creation proposal regarding transportation and infrastructure work. After all, Republicans and Tea Party members want to take the country back to the way it was. (And they apparently mean when jobs were being lost during the Bush years.)

Christine O'Donnell recently won the Republican primary to become the Tea Party candidate for the Delaware senate seat. It's no longer politics as usual. Now, it's politics as unusual.

Christine O'Donnell recently won the Republican primary to become the Tea Party candidate for the Delaware senate seat. Here's how that works: Republicans organize a primary, but all of their members have split to the Tea Party, which then organizes rallies to allow everyone, especially people over the age of 70, to act really mad because they want the country to return to something that doesn't have Obama as president, and then they all go to the Republican primary election and vote for people who are opposed to masturbation.

"Hey, Mabel," Charlie, her husband, yelled from the recliner chair in the living room. "That woman from Delaware who's against masturbation is on TV again."

Don't you think that if the only thing a person can remember about a politician is what they said about masturbation, then the Republican Party is in a world of hurt?!

Glenn Beck is planning a rally. He will dress in a robe like Moses and come down from a mountain top. Note for rally members: Bring your own marshmallows for the burning bush.

Glenn Beck is planning another rally. He will wear a fake beard to look like Brigham Young and then lead zealots with handcarts to Utah. Note for rally members: Bring either a zealot or a handcart.

The new TV season will include the show "Stars Chasing Squirrels." Each week, different celebrities will go to a park and chase squirrels. Celebrities scheduled for the competition include Rush Limbaugh, Pat Boone, Evan Bayh, Queen Elizabeth's piano mover, and Sarah Palin's third cousin from Homer, Alaska.

Flo, the lady in the insurance commercials, will host Saturday Night Live this week, with musical guests rapper Bad Poetry R-U-Cool and an electric pencil sharpener.

A pastor of a tiny, irrelevant and intolerant church in Bedbug, South Carolina, is threatening to burn Qurans, Torahs, Buddhas, rosary beads, Methodist hymnals, Jehovah's Witness door pamphlets, biology books, Dixie Chicks CDs, National Geographic magazines, French recipes, and sour-dough pancakes. The media coverage has swelled from community attention to statewide attention to national attention to international attention, as unnecessary outrage grows. It has even caused chauvinistic men in Middle Eastern countries to riot because they are so offended.

A college professor has introduced a new higher education concept for college courses. Students will sit in a class for two weeks and then the professor or instructor will get to choose which students stay in the course and which students are exiled to the library to silently read books for the rest of the semester. Faculty everywhere are ecstatic about the plan.