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An American got a job today but it was another person from the Clinton administration appointed by President Obama. Said Obama, "I don't know anyone in Washington but former Clinton administration cronies. And neither does Rahm Emmanuel. Back then, they got two terms out it and what's more important than that?"

President Obama set-up an 800-member bipartisan task force to study ways to create jobs. It is so bipartisan, it screams of no accomplishment. Leading the task force from the Democratic side is former President Bill Clinton, who supported NAFTA and GATT free trade deals which exported a ton of American jobs overseas and across the borders. On the Republican side, Liz Cheney will co-chair the task force and provide input about how nepotism can really open doors.

British Petroleum continues to try to stop the gushing oil from the drilled hole at the bottom of the Gulf Coast ocean. About 39 million gallons of oil have mixed with ocean water, drifting into wetlands and beaches. They have tried everything from a hat device to the idea of golf balls. Fortunately, they haven't attempted the nuclear blast yet. Here are some other items that they might want to try to clog the hole: Irons and ironing boards, hair from every shower in New York city, baseballs and marbles, dead walruses, and the cushion of Rush Limbaugh's chair.

Please get out your irons because here's some irony: The BP oil spill is affecting the Gulf Coast states of the Southeast. All of those states are "red" states, meaning they vote for conservative Republicans. The conservative philosophy is for deregulation and that the government should be small and stay out of the lives of people and businesses. So, those "red" states were likely pleased that oil companies could drill, baby, drill off-shore without tough regulation and oversight. But now that there is gushing oil and all kinds of fishing and tourism dollars that will be lost by the damage, they want the government to do something about it and may even want bail-outs for industries that have lost income. Huh, that's ironic! Hey, red Gulf Coast states, how's that "conservative deregulation" stuff working out for you?

Rush Limbaugh, a serial groom, recently got married for the fourth time. For the bride, instead of a wedding card, it probably would be more fitting to send a sympathy card.

Giving up his representation of Connecticut because it was just taking too much of his time, Senator Joe Lieberman said he will continue to serve as the U.S. senator for Israel.

The Israeli blockade of aid ships into the Gaza strip of Palestine is not just about weapons. The policy (and this is totally true) also blocks the delivery of jam, chocolate, notebooks, and other items. Said an Israeli politician (and this is back to total fabrication), "A thrown Hershey kiss can put out someone's eye."

The Catholic Church has apologized for the sex scandals of priests in North America and Europe. That leaves only five more continents and they are pretty confident that there are no major problems in Antarctica.

A concerned Catholic suggested that the church would benefit from the concept of gender equality, moving some nuns up and some priests down the hierarchy ladder. Said a Vatican spokesman, "No, no, no. A woman would never look right in wearing the flowing gown of a pope."

Do you have dry ears? Then you should talk to a quack about Dryearyoxitin. It will make your ears sweat naturally and keep your ear lobes moist. Possible side effects include loss of hearing, decibel increase of the voice of a mother-in-law, sneezing, hiccups, erectile dysfunction, stomach aches, unnatural gas, burping, tooth decay, flat feet, purple toenails, green fingernails, itchy armpits, diarrhea, constipation, mold, rabies, hallucinations, thoughts of running naked through a cornfield, intolerance, pregnancy, computer viruses, and vivid dreams of Republican politicians in clown suits.