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The 99-Weeks Club, the group of unemployed people who have come to the end of their unemployment benefits and still haven't found jobs, are hoping members of Congress who won't extend the benefits will join them someday...so they can see how it feels.

Though the government said the security scans wouldn't be kept, the best of the naked scans of people going through airport security were posted this week on the WikiLeaks website.

A woman traveling passenger class on a plane to Butte, Montana, was voted as Miss August by visitors to the WikiLeaks website concerning the naked scans by the airport security machines. A man traveling first class to Littleton, Colorado, was voted most likely to make naked-scan equipment workers laugh.

A teenager took the keys of the family car and then drove the vehicle into the ditch. His father said, "Son, that officially makes you a Republican." (Explanation: President Obama has referred to the Republican condition of the economy that he was left to salvage as a car that was driven into a ditch and that now the Republicans want the keys again to drive it.)

Mad Hatter of the Tea Party has claimed that Alice is an illegal immigrant and should be put in an Arizona jail.

Tea Party members ran for public office and lost in the primary elections. But they sure have funny hats and goofy signs.

It has been recommended that someone chip in a dollar for the Tea Party sign-writers, so they can buy a dictionary. (This is absolute true: A recent message on a sign at a Tea Party rally shown on a TV news segment was "Obama care not fare.")

The primary campaigns really got nasty and mean. One candidate accused his opponent of sleeping with bed bugs. The other candidate responded back that only bed bugs would want to sleep with his opponent. Pollsters are trying to figure out which bed bug accusation hurt the worst.

Obama's press secretary, the guy with the Southern twang in his mouth who complained recently about the "professional left," is trying out an interesting theory: Insult the Democratic base which is the left and remind them that the Obama administration couldn't come close to providing the same quality of a health care system that Canadians enjoy, and then see if they will vote for Democrats in the elections. Maybe he's an Einstein and the theory will work. Or maybe he's a Bozo.

Warren Buffett, Bill Gates, and other billionaires have promised to give away half of their wealth during their lifetimes. Though on the other end of the economic scale, the Sage Street blogger wants to join the effort and thus promises to give away half of his poverty.

An opposite-sex couple filed for divorce today, saying that the prospects of same-sex couples having the same right to marry drove them to it. The Family Nonsense Council warned that it signals the end of marriage between a man and a woman. "No straight couple will want to get married if gay couples are doing it," said Al Mond, a religious nut.

Ben Nelson the asterisk is the U.S. senator from Nebraska who's a Democrat but who often votes with the Republicans. Well, something very strange happened. Stranger than paranormal activities, jackalopes, and Glenn Beck. Ben Nelson actually turned into an asterisk. A real, tiny asterisk. One moment he was a man, the next moment he was an asterisk. He's been shipped back to Nebraska for immediate display below a pile of corn cobs, with tiny type for explanation.