Friday, October 22, 2010

News at 10...

This just in...

A lunatic at an anchor desk is ranting into the TV camera in an effort to move people through anger and fear. No, not the 1976 movie "Network" this time. Just another evening of FOX News.

He called her names. She called him names. They both called each other "liars" and "corrupt" and "lower than whale manure." No, not the latest reality TV show. It is the recent string of campaign attack ads.

Tea Party candidates, many of whom are disguised as Republicans for Halloween, have qualified for the book of world records as the strangest bunch of politicians ever known.

While Republican candidates are running against President Obama, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi,
and Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid in every state where there's an election, Democratic candidates are running away from the national health care bill.

President Nixon said, "I am not a crook." Delaware senatorial candidate Christine O'Donnell, wearing black, said, "I am not a witch." A public relations person was recently seen holding his hand over Rush Limbaugh's mouth, trying to prevent radio talk show host from saying, "I am not a big-mouth."

Delaware senatorial candidate Christine O'Donnell read the First Amendment today. She still doesn't understand it.

Elliott Spitzer's new political talk show on CNN hasn't been doing very well in the ratings. So, CNN is considering a suitable replacement. They have been talking to Larry Craig, Monica Lewinsky, Michael Vick, John Ensign, Mel Gibson, Rand Paul's college buddies, and that evangelical pastor at the mega-church in Atlanta.

After the election on Nov. 4, defeated California gubernatorial candidate Meg Whitman will be selling her used campaign yard signs on eBay.

The politically extreme wife of Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas left a message on Anita Hill's phone machine asking for an apology from Hill for her testimony at the Thomas confirmation hearing years ago. Hill said she had nothing to apologize for. So, then Clarence Thomas called back, asking Hill to at least return the pop can with the pubic hair on it.

It is very unlikely that NFL football player Brett Favre will be used in TV commercials to endorse any brand of camera.

Want to hear a joke about American business? The national Chamber of Commerce. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!

A legislator just got awful legislation passed that will force people to wear polyester, walk on their hands, and eat rock salt. His success is contributed to the name he gave the legislation, the "Children, Football, God, Flag, Marriage, Puppies, Beer, and Pizza" bill. Said the legislators from the other side of the aisle, "We had to vote for the darned thing. Or else, next election, there'd be campaign commercials by our opponents saying we voted against beer."

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