News at 10...

This just in:

Some people got jobs recently. They were Republicans elected during the mid-term election. Unfortunately, they didn't need jobs, don't want to extend job benefits to the unemployed, and the unemployment rate remains the same.

Airport security (the national TSA) is telling travelers that they have two choices in order to board a plane: 1). Walk through a full-body scanner and have a naked photo of you taken; or 2). Have some security guy feel your private parts. In light of complaints about those choices, TSA is considering a third choice: 3). Let some security guy squeeze your private parts and then cook them with the radiation from a scanner that takes 3-D photos of your naked body and posts them on Facebook, with a poke here and a poke there.

Progressives are wondering if President Obama has the backbone to not compromise with the Republicans on the extension of the Bush tax cuts for the wealthy. Las Vegas odds-makers, spelunkers, and jellyfish experts are not optimistic.

Junk once was stuff that people took to the town dump. Now people take it to the airport and let security guards check it for explosives.

Bristol Palin and her dance partner won again on the "Dancing With the Stars" TV show. This time, their competition was only Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers in a historical film clip.

Apparently, a high number of Tea Party members watch "Dancing With the Stars." That's just one more reason for not watching the show.

In order to cut the budget deficit, the Debt Commission recommends that the retirement age be set at 105, unemployment benefits be replaced by a bus ticket and one TV dinner, and military spending be reduced by the cost of one nut and one bolt. Said former Senator Simpson, a member of the commission, "We need to stop square dancing and start peeling the potatoes."

This week's episode of "Stars Chasing Squirrels" features Glenn Beck almost catching one.

2010: President Obama said U.S. troops will be withdrawn from Afghanistan in 2014.
2014: President Brown said U.S. troops will be withdrawn from Afghanistan in 2018.
2018: President Hernandez said U.S. troops will be withdrawn from Afghanistan in 2022.
2022: President Robot 634 said U.S. troops will be withdrawn from Afghanistan in 2024
2024: Afghanistan becomes the 75th state of America, right after West Kansas, Iraq, Yemen. and Armpit.

Anderson Cooper on CNN finally threw up his hands in disgust and yelled at a politician. He's frustrated because he's been trying to "keep them honest." That's about as easy as trying to separate a college student from a cell phone.

Only about 40 years behind the times, the Pope is finally endorsing some use of condoms. Therefore, feel free to use them for water balloons.

A version of a "This Just In" repeat: Who would have ever guessed that there'd be more prostate exams at airports than at clinics?!!